you just can't have it all..

New York

August 22nd, 2008

"Migraine"

I was traipsing around Galleria in a hunt for a swimsuit when I looked down at my toenails and saw them screaming for a pedicure. I rushed to the salon on the 4th level and slumped at one of their vanity chairs. I picked up their latest edition of YES! and was leafing through its glossy pages when I heard the first few strains of this song.

I have moments like this which Santi cannot comprehend. He thinks it's so telenovela-ish. And childish. And wierd.

I was at it again today. I put the magazine down and asked the parlor folks to turn the volume up and I just listened to what sounded like Moonstar 88, memorized enough of the lyrics so I can google it later, and just stared into space.

Sometimes I need days like this to remind me how rich and beautiful and meaningful OPM can be.

I am REMINDED. Rock on, noypis!

You got me again, Moonstar. di na kayo nakuntento sa torete, dinagdagan nyo pa. anak ng tukneneng na lyrics yan.

Kainis.Mi-nigraine ako.

 

 

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito lang ako, nangangarap na mapa-sayo
Hindi sinasadya
Na hanapin pa ang lugar ko
Asan nga ba ako? Andiyan pa ba sa iyo?

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?

Nasusuka ako, kinakain na ang loob
Masakit na mga tuhod, kailangan bang lumuhod?
Gusto ko lang naman, yung totoo
Yung tipong ang sagot, ay di rin isang tanong

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?

Dahil, di na makatulog (makatulog)
Dahil di na makakain (makakain)
Dahil di na makatawa (makatawa)
Dahil, di na

Oo nga pala, hindi nga pala tayo
Hanggang dito na lang ako

Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Asan ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo, nalilito
Asan ba ko sayo? Aasa ba ko sayo?
Nahihilo... Nahihilo...
Nalilito...

 

Posted by someyougiveaway at 09:33 AM | anung emote?

August 20th, 2008

history repeats itself

"You asked for a pittance".

That's what my boss told me yesterday, referring to my salary which became a hot topic in one of his meetings with Human Resources. He said that I could have gotten more had I asked for it when HR asked me how much I think I was worth three months ago. I wanted to tell him, "You see, three months ago I had my head up my ass" but I thought that wouldn't help my case. So I kept my mouth shut as he ranted about HR getting away with murder. I can easily dismiss it as pure office politics but when your boss had your pay in his agenda with top management, you'd know something was wrong. Now the whole department knows how much I make which doesn't bother me more than the fact that they know I'm getting what I'm getting because I asked for it. Gad.

That's the problem. My whole history of settling for less than what I deserve is catching up on me.This is what rankles me. Forget my infamous salary--that will be settled in the next few months. By that time, all hell would have broken loose and HR will just have to give in to the boss' demand---put Mina back into the curve, even if she was the one who broke it in the first place. Finis. Case closed.By then I should be getting twenty thousand more. By then I should have shoved it into my thick head that what I'm getting now is nothing to sneeze at. It's just that I deserved more. I probably would have, by then. I got my head in the right place nowadays.

I just wish I didn't settle so easily before with other things. You know, other things It's one thing to be foolish, and another to shortchange yourself. That's me quoting myself--maybe I'd wear that on my forehead one of these days just to remind me that some things you don't get to change. Once you've settled, you're done. It's part of history. It sparks a chain of actions and reactions. Unlike with my stupid salary. that can be fixed.Though that will be etched in corporate memory, who will care about some lawyer's missed-by-a-mile entry-level package? No one. 

It doesn't work that way with other stuff. Those that deal with your worth not financially but personally. Funny how, in my case, these two are joined in the hip. Nyeta, magkapatid sila. I lived in a vicious cyle of asking for a pittance. Taking whatever I can  get (maybe I should have checked that status in facebook) from people. relationships--which is why it has extended its octopus arms to my work. That's the bottomline. Having said that, I can't really tell the boss, "hey, do you know that two years ago I was making 18,000 pesos in a Makati firm and I thought it was okay?" or that "I gave birthday parties to friends who don't even go to mine" and of course the kick-ass of them all, "I used to drive from Alabang to Fairview to see someone who didn't know me the next morning." 

I don't think telling the boss the above-mentioned is wise. So I won't. Let him wonder why I was the way I was. It doesn't matter.

I only got what I asked for.

And besides, that is history that will never repeat.  

Posted by someyougiveaway at 07:56 AM as a favorite post | anung emote?

August 11th, 2008

Bridges

I once knew a girl who I thought had it all. This was years ago so my memory might be a tad too rusty. But she did. She sure as hell did. The prettiest face. An equally handsome boyfriend. A budding business. A profession in the making. And the best set of friends anyone can ask for.

I'm not sure of how it happened but she left it all behind. In a heartbeat. For something or someone, which until today, I can't put my finger on. Maybe it's because the versions of her story became such an urban legend that no one really knows how it all went down. Why she chose what she chose. Why she never looked back.

I try (tried is what I mean--I gave up like a month ago) to know her all over again. But then I realize there's too much water under the freaking bridge that it's virtually impossible to cross it or whatever it is we do with bridges.

I got to think of her over the weekend but I had too much alcohol in my system to explicitate why.

I'm sober now.

I wish she looked back. Just for a millisecond. So she could have seen what she left behind.

I remember now why I thought of her. But I'd like to keep most of it for myself.

I wish her well, always.

For my part, suffice to say that I'm glad I looked back, when I could have easily gone the other way and left everything that have ever mattered to me. Humbling as it was, I am where I belong.

To a bunch of girls who fend for each other, root for each other, respect and love each other despite the  neverending "I told-you-so's".

So there. This is what I meant to say yesterday along with the drunken pictures of us.

To my girls, my sisters, we might be one less but we are still us, nonetheless.

I heart you all.

 

 

 

 

Posted by someyougiveaway at 11:22 AM in pieces | 2 nangialam!

August 9th, 2008

unity of soul...the entity of flesh...unison of cause

 

and the image of true sisterhood!

For the Lambda Rho Sigma! the Best!

Here's to 25 years and more!

Posted by someyougiveaway at 11:42 PM | anung emote?

August 5th, 2008

Rats for snakes

They said that this year of the rat will prove lucky for snakes --i'm right about to believe it. I can't remember the last time I felt this lucky. Not in the sense of being so blessed (I'd like to think we are all blessed everyday with little things) but lucky as in bet-in-the-lotto-and-win-the-jackpot lucky. In short, I think that Santi and I are in a roll. We are cruising-- as a couple, as partners, as lawyers, as a family.

Maybe it's being in our very own home. Albeit small, it still fulfills us, almost reduces us into tears everytime we come home from work. I attempt to cook (attempt is the operative word). He throws the trash. I wash the dishes. He mops the bathroom floor. We got our LCD mounted and its simply nirvana to watch CSI and actually hear Grissom think. And our bed.Haaaay. We haven't slept this well in the past two and a half years of trying to fit in a single bed back in my parents' house. Forget the hanky panky, just the sleeping part is pure bliss.

In the morning, we don't hurry. We take the sweetest time having coffee, staring at our view of the sea while watching Sofia finish her Coco Crunch. We leave at 7:30 and get to work by 8:00--that hasn't happened to me in 30 years of living in Alabang. Plus, our toll paying days are over. So over. We can go to work with nothing on our wallets so long as we have gas in the tank--which gas still comes free, courtesy of Mr. John G. 

Ooops, we actually have something in our wallets now--my first ever plastic. After years of wondering why we never got approved, we finally figured out why and had it ironed out. ( N.B. thou shall not max out your credit card especially when you're broken hearted aight, santiboy?) Now, we can do the groceries, pay Fitness First, shop with zero interest while earning points to travel. That is the masterplan.

Finally, our private practice is picking up, really picking up to the point that I wonder: What was I thinking flying 10,000 miles when we can have it all here?

In one of our hearings together, Santi and I chanced upon this and realized that it's another auspicious sign of good things to come, and how lucky we've always been. And how we so deserve this windfall we're having because we've gone through so much and came out of it together, still.

So we're going for it. Our next project--on the 11th floor this time...

And maybe I'd pass by the lotto in MOA tomorrow.

You never know

 

 

 

Posted by someyougiveaway at 11:44 AM | anung emote?

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