It might be a simple case of myself not being used to spending birthdays quietly, or knowing full well that they are moving on with their lives without me. Either way it sucked trying to call 4 people long distance and not a single one picking up. Santi couldn't call to greet me. Grace, my other best friend, admittedly forgot. It doesn't help that I've never felt so sentimental about turning a year older. I guess hitting the big 3-0 has seriously turned me upside down, worse than the thought of flunking the bar. At least that you can take again. With turning 30 and inching out of the calendar, there is no turning back.

There is an invisible report card that I seem to reckon with. Maybe that's why. I haven't earned my first million. Neither do I keep my own apartment. Though I have my six year old car, it was a gift from my folks. So that doesn't really count. I've little saved in the bank. It's a pittance actually. Just enough to buy the Palm Treo I've been pining for since I started to work. Financially, therefore, I don't have the right to turn 30. I am convinced that those who do must have something to show for it. In this regard, I've failed to make the grade. Aside from my license to practice law, I have nothing else to claim.

This is where friends and family come into the picture. While I cannot truly say that I "have" them, I like to think that they are the best parts of me. I certainly did not float around in the past twenty something years, I happened to them and they to me. It's just that being miles away seems to blur the memories a little bit. A few times I even wonder if some really took place or did i just imagine it? Because in some obscure days like this one, I am sorely disconnected. Like i don't exist. Not concretely. Or even in memory. SIM memory olats pa den. Nyeta.

If someone could just pick up the damn phone, ill be fine.